What religion are my beliefs closest to?

Your beliefs are closest to "Secular Humanism" then any of the big three (Judaism, Christianity, Islam) When you say that the Bible is utter garbage, that is nowhere near Islam as stated in an answer above because, although Islam follows the Koran, it also respects the Bible... & you don't. If you believe in God then that means you are a "Theist" which isn't a religion in itself, only a belief. Secular Humanism means having a sense of morals without applying yourself to any religious doctrine & scriptures.... which is nothing like Islam... or Judaism & Christianity for that matter.